nn## 6. Physical affection has become purely transactionalnnThis is closely related to the physical intimacy discussion, but distinct from it. When emotional intimacy is intact, casual physical affection u2014 a hand on a shoulder, a spontaneous hug, sitting close without it being about anything u2014 flows naturally throughout ordinary life. When it fades, touch tends to become almost entirely goal-oriented, happening only in specific contexts and carrying pressure it didn’t used to carry.nn## 7. You’re performing a version of the relationship rather than living itnnThis one tends to become visible in social settings, where couples who have drifted emotionally often perform a version of their relationship for friends and family that feels noticeably different from what’s happening privately. Not dishonestly u2014 both partners may be genuinely warm in those settings u2014 but the warmth is easier to access in public than in the privacy of an ordinary evening at home, which is itself a signal worth paying attention to.nn## What tends to helpnnEmotional intimacy is rebuiltable, but it tends to require deliberate effort in a way that it didn’t in the early stages of a relationship, when it accumulated naturally. The most effective starting point is usually introducing conversations that go beyond logistics u2014 not necessarily deep, vulnerable conversations immediately, but anything that moves the relationship’s conversational range slightly further than where it’s been stuck.nnCuriosity is a useful lever here. Asking questions that are genuinely interested rather than procedural, and actually listening to the answer before thinking about what comes next, tends to reopen channels that have narrowed. It doesn’t require grand gestures or scheduled "intimacy evenings" u2014 it requires small, repeated moments of attention that compound over time into a restored sense of being genuinely known by the person you’re with.nnIf the gap has been building for a long time, couples therapy offers a structured space to have conversations that have become too charged or too buried to have without support. This isn’t a sign of a failing relationship u2014 it’s a practical tool for rebuilding something specific that’s eroded, in the same way physical therapy addresses something specific that’s been damaged and needs targeted attention to recover."}